The Suck

Hello my sweets!

Writerly peeps. Let’s chat.

You know writing is hard. Anyone who says different is either A. not a writer, or B. a filthy damn liar.

Sometimes, at least for me, I get so caught up in whatever it is that’s catching me, and I can’t get a word out. Not a word.

Example: It’s taken me fifteen minutes and at least eleven different sentences to get this far in the blog.

When I hit the wall, it’s full stop. There are no masterful manuscript words flowing, no blogs blogging, and hell, even my Tweets feel like 140 character cement shoes.

It’s depressing. Wording is what I do. My head is still full of all the things I want to write, they just won’t come out.

Or maybe it will, but it comes out as utter crap, not fit to be read ever by anyone, amen.

When I’m writing, I have to meet my own level of pickiness. It has to be something that I know is at least in place enough to stand up to a solid revision later. It has to work on some level.

If it doesn’t? I shut down.

And then I feel like shit because I’m not getting anything written anywhere and to be quite frank, word creation has a very crack effect on me. The more words, the higher I am.

The lack of words knocks me down to a very low level Summer.

And then I wonder if anyone else grapples with such wordly debilitating feels?

Being a creative type and personally prone to hyperbole, I immediately determine that no, it’s not possible for anyone to suck as much as I am sucking, everyone else is a real writer, a real artiste, and I will flounder in the backwash of the interwebz for the rest of my overly-dramatic days.

For a bit, I can usually snap myself out of that right quick. It’s a dry spell! We all have them! Obviously!

But if it’s a particularly persistent dry spell, and if there are all sorts of other things going on in your real life that are distracting as fuck, one day you look at your laptop and realize exactly how long it’s been since you put something of substance down on paper.

I…write a really bitchin’ To-Do list every day…does that count?

I see all the advice out there that says “DON’T THINK, JUST WRITE. EVEN IF IT SUCKS, KEEP WRITING. YOU CAN FIX IT LATER.”

Hell, I’m pretty sure I’ve given out that advice before.

It’s damn good advice. Seriously.

But some days, when it’s all just a bit too much, when it seems like everyone and their cousin’s dog are announcing a signing or a sale or the deal of a lifetime, when it feels like you’ve been swimming upstream for too damn long, it’s hard to listen to any advice.

Or maybe that’s just me. I can be a stubborn little thing.

But do you know what does make me feel better? Honesty.

The Twitterverse and Blogosphere are full of cheerleaders and people trying to make their way, etch their mark, move along and sometimes it can get really exhausting to the viewer. We can’t all possibly be up all the time.

Which, by the by, I find it shocking that people say that about me. That I’m “UP!” all the time. Trust me, kids. I can be a moody motherfucker.

And trust me. I see the motivation to seem sharp, and positive, and ON all the live long day. You see people getting scooped up into the success bucket and think you can totes be one of those people. But not if you’re talking about how goddamn hard it is to get a word out every now and then.

But for me, the honesty helps. Seeing someone who is usually Billy Badass letting loose some real talk saying in a completely non-faux-humble way, “Dude. I suck right now.”

Seeing someone I know and admire admitting to the suck makes me want to burst into understanding ugly-sobs, reach through the internet, and shake them with the enthusiasm only a shared sense of torture can bring about.

THEY GET ME. THEY KNOW THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

Because it is real. I mean, damn, guys. It’s real.

So, here I am, setting down my pom-poms for a hot minute. Taking a much needed moment to say I suck. And that’s all I’ve got to give today. Sucking.

Maybe you needed to hear someone else say it. Because I do. And I’m not ashamed of that or sorry. Writing might be an inherently solitary adventure, but there is a strong, close-knit community here that I am happy to be a part of. And I think the reason this community exists is because we need to hear we aren’t the only ones suffering through a stage of suck or a bout of crippling lack of confidence.

And on the good days because when you scream about things like query requests and ISBN numbers and cover art to all the non-writerly people out there, they just stare at you funny.

Perhaps tomorrow will be better. I’m rooting for that.

And here I went and picked up my pom-poms again without even meaning to. Go Tomorrow Me!

I’d do a herkie but I think I pulled a muscle just considering it.

I hope you all are having the very best of weeks that are free of The Suck!

Until next time,

Peace, Love, and Wording

 

 

11 Comments

  1. I kinda love you. Even when you suck. And I hope that’s okay.

    You put the pom-poms down often enough that the real, genuine, awesomely flawed and human YOU shines through. Rather gloriously actually. You’re probably the real-est person I’ve never met. And there have been MANY times when reading your blog posts made my life measurably better. So it would be really easy for me to shout, “YOU DON’T SUCK!”

    But that would be missing the point. Because we all suck at some things sometimes, and that’s okay. But damn it, it sucks to suck. And I’m sorry you’re sucking at something you love right now. Because that’s harder than just generally sucking.

    I hope tomorrow Summer is encouraged by today Summer’s awesome genuineness the way I am, and puts words on a page the way I’m going to, and just basically kicks the suckiness in its ass. <3

  2. <3 I have been in that place of suck for about a month now. On the bright side, your Castiel gifs finally pushed me over the Supernatural edge, and I spent the month netflixing the first eight seasons. So, thanks for that. 😀

  3. I’m pretty sure it’s normal to feel that way about our writing a lot of the time, especially with something that’s designed to last (a novel or blog) rather than something disposable (an email or facebook message).

    I find at times that I have all these abstract thoughts and ideas in my head, but turning them into something more solid inevitably means that part of it doesn’t turn out as planned at first.

    Just do the best you can and keep working on the shoddy first drafts.

  4. Listen Summer, it’s okay to visit suckville…you just can’t live there! Have a glass of wine, eat a pizza, take a walk, what ever it is you do when you’re in that crappy-can’t-write-a-frickin’-word-to-save-my-life place. I myself am partial to ice cream sundaes. Indulge. Dust off. Begin again. Write that shitty first draft. Give yourself the space to be total crap. THEN you bust out the brilliance! Stay up girrrl 😉 <3

  5. No matter how many times we hear “just write the shitty first draft, get anything on paper,” the suck can take over. We don’t tell people with depression to just pull up their bootstraps (well, some assholes do)… I think we need to acknowledge the suck and honor our feelings of inadequacy or fear or overwhelmingness (that’s a word). Thanks for putting your honesty out there because for every person that comments on your blog posts, there are 50 more who just needed to read your words and feel they’re not alone.

  6. Hello. My name is Rae (hi, Rae!), and today, I suck XD

    But seriously.

  7. LOLed at herkie. Also, I owe you an email.

  8. Oh Fizz, to hear that my agent sis is in the suck tank with me makes me want to cry for joy that I’m not alone and for you because it sucks sooooo bad being here that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I swear we can pull our freaking boot straps up and march out of this crap!

  9. A million nods went into the reading of this post. I am intimately familiar with the suck. I’ve even tried to become a person who doesn’t need wording, only to lose my mind for days on end. Thank you for this.

  10. Thanks for this. So much truth. In fact, I’m just returned from the suck. Solidarity hugs. 🙂

  11. My partner and I stumbled over here from a different
    web address and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to going over your web page repeatedly.

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