Pitch Madness Entry – SH-11 – SIR BURPSALOT AND THE HOLY MAIL

Title: Sir Burpsalot and the Holy Mail
Genre: Middle Grade Humor
Word Count: 30,000

Pitch: Somewhere near Anywhere in the Kingdom of Camelrot, Burpsalot the stableboy dreams of becoming a knight. But knighthood isn’t what Burp expects. Wasps, witches, and dragons hinder Burp’s quest for the lost church mail.

Excerpt:
Burpsalot wanted to be a knight more than butter wants biscuits. But, knights must be fearless; and Burpsalot was terrified of bugs. He felt a trickle of sweat tickle his forehead as he watched a fat black spider scurry up the castle wall and squeeze through a crack between the stones. A bubble gurgled in his stomach. Burpsalot turned and hurried the other way, right through the middle of the crowded marketplace.

Voices bumped against voices in a jumbled roar as he squeezed between busy marketers. Until one loud voice butted in front of him. It was Spit Cleaver, the butcher’s son.

“Pay attention to where you’re going, Burphead,” Spit shouted.

On most days, Burpsalot tried to avoid Spit. He was big, he was mean, and he smelled. Burp was almost as afraid of Spit as he was of bugs.

“Sorry, Spit,” Burpsalot muttered. “I didn’t see you coming.” He stared at the dirt on Spit’s shoe.

“Not good enough, Burphead,” Spit crackled his knobby knuckles. “Now you have to pay me my toll.”

“But, Spit,” Burpsalot said, “You know I don’t have any money.”

“Then I’ll take it out of your skin,” Spit said, grinning. He grabbed the front of Burpsalot’s shirt, jerked him up onto his tiptoes with one hand, and made a heavy fist with the other. Burp could smell Spit’s meaty breath on his face. He tried not to inhale.

Burpsalot shut his eyes and clenched his teeth. This was going to hurt.

4 Comments

  1. OMG I NEED SIR BURPSALOT IN MY LIFE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME READ THIS!!!

  2. Hehehe…As a reader, I’d pick this one, though there are lots of good choices in this bunch.

  3. My kids would get such a kick out of this one! Too cute!

  4. I am absolutely flawed – this is another one I had on my list because my 8yo would love to read this to me (his latest read is about booger stealing aliens so burping knights would fit right in).

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