Lady Bits Adjacent…

Hello my loves!

Today’s blog is going up with the sole hope that you read it, and if you are ever in a similar situation, you will be smarter than I was.

Also, yes, serious topic peppered with GIFs. What can I say? They make me feel better.

A few years ago, I discovered a weird thingy on my skin. Let’s just get it out of the way now, this spot is in an unfortunate location.

Let’s call it Lady Bits Adjacent.

Being a worrier, I went to the doc right away, and they weren’t sure what it was, but gave a cream and a blessing of HOPE IT WORKS!

It didn’t.

So I put it off, but eventually went to more docs who were also stumped. They hoped it was this weird abnormality where your skin produces too many cells in that spot, but it’s super easy to treat with some cream.

I tried that. That didn’t work either.

Multiple docs later, they all started dropping the “C” word, and said I needed to get a biopsy and to a dermatologist with a quickness.

Naturally, I panicked and did nothing for over three years.


Because who the hell wants to hear that!?

And, seriously. Junk Adjacent. All my other docs had seen my lady bits, but I wasn’t feeling like this was a particularly common thing for dermatologists.

(This is where you should be taking notes to NOT BE LIKE ME.)

I don’t know why I have a deep-rooted fear of dermatologists. It makes not a damn bit of sense. My brain is a dick.

Of course the spot got bigger, and bigger, and more uncomfortable, and blah.

So I made a dermatologist appointment.

And hey, guess what?

Skin cancer.

Because FUCK.

You guys, I had to have the world’s most awkward biopsy. Ever. Like, stitches in places you really never want stitches.

And when the numbing meds wore off?

Oh god why…

Anyway, it’s not going to kill me. We talked about chemo injections and some kind of laser treatment that we will discuss next week when I go in to get the stitches removed and hear the final biopsy results.

(Side note: Feel free to cross anything crossable that this was all a huge mistake and the bipopsy is all, it’s really NOT cancer! Because that would be cool.)

Also, because the first thing a friend asked was if I sunbathed nude (I don’t. Ain’t nobody want to see that…) I will share that it’s not that kind of cancer. It’s not like a mole gone gnarly. It’s just a weird spot of skin that decided to say “Fuck the system!” and went rogue.

No idea why, or what caused it. Just happened.

I do appreciate the irony that most skin cancer is caused by sun exposure, and I, the sunscreen addict, literally get skin cancer where the sun don’t shine.

Hardy har.

So yeah. Not the worst thing in the world, as far as someone using the word CANCER to describe a part of you, but still, not what you want to hear.

Seriously though. Feel free to keep things crossed. I’d really like that C word to just vanish. Just sayin’.

I share this, one, because I am a habitual over-sharer, but two, because I really, REALLY hope that if you have something you think maybe a doctor should take a peek at? Be smarter than I was.

Listen to your Aunty Fizz, kids. Doctors don’t give a single fuck where the issue is, they have seen it all, Lady Bits Adjacent or not, and that is not a wise reason to delay getting something checked.

Learn from my stupid.

I hope you all are having the loveliest of weeks!

Until next time,

Peace, Love, and Crossable Things


  1. *sputters* *gasps* I, too, have a weird lady bits thingie that I’ve ignored…

    *flees to doctor*

  2. *Crosses all the things* Hoping for the best!

  3. No! Nooo! FIZZ. THIS IS TERRIFYING. I mean, gah, I’m sure it’s benign or easy to remove or some stuff like that but you must be having a teensy bit of fright inside. Or I would be. Not to suggest that you should be if you’re not. But good grief, I have a million digital hugs for you.

  4. Oh gosh Summer! I am definitely hoping it is NOT the C word. That is probably the most terrifying thing to be told and it scares me everytime I get tests done. Love and positive healthy NON-C Word vibes to you

  5. Leslie Dobkins |

    I can relate to avoiding doctor’s visits. Thanks for sharing. It could make all the difference in the world for someone out there. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Feel better soon.

  6. Love you. I’m here if you need anything, even if it is just to talk. I’m a veritable walking medical dictionary about cancer. So, if there’s a question, I volunteer as tribute. Or something. Hugs, Darling.

  7. Oh geez!!!!!! Holy shit!!!!! I’m crossing everything that can be crossed for you. And sending a constant stream of huggles.

  8. Fingers crossed and long-distance hugs from Wisconsin! Reading this reminds me that I am overdue for a mammogram by about a year and I’m going to make that appointment right NOW (even if I hate having my too-small boobs smushed by that awful machine!).

  9. Thinking about you! Let me know if I can do anything! Meals? Cleaning? Give me a verb!

  10. Also Crossing all the things! Your comment about sunscreen reminded me. A friend of mine served a mission in Jamaica and totally slathered on sunscreen. But ten years later got a bit of skin cancer where the sun don’t shine. And his dermatologist said the cancer can pop up anywhere even though the sun damage may have been on his scalp or some other crazy, visible place.

    Anyway, am sending comfort and lots of good feels your way. 🙂

  11. I’m keeping you in my prayers.

  12. Oh, honey, it’s all crossed. All of it. Sending you lots of love and healing vibes. For what it’s worth, my dermatologist said most skin cancer (we may have been discussing a certain kind) occurs in places that DON’T see the sun. Anyhow, making my annual appointment now. Much love and no cancer vibes to you!

  13. WHAT THE ACTUAL …?? Sweetie, you are not allowed to get cancer of the lady bits. I forbid it. 🙁

    Here’s hoping the biopsy shows it’s a benign little skin tag with ambitions of granduer. xo

  14. Will be sending lots of pink, sparkly, healing thoughts your way. A good friend of mine delayed her first mammogram for a few years — she’s having a cancerous lump removed Monday. Holding you both in the light. It’s corny! So what?

  15. MS. FIZZY! Of all the things! Just said some serious prayers. Sending many healing hugs your way. When are they doing the biopsy? Will pray especially hard then.
    No kidding about Docs not caring about any bits and pieces, of, you know, STUFF! All they care about is nabbing what doesn’t belong… wherever.

    In Aprill, they did an ultrasound of yours truly and the lady bits. “Oh, yeah, there’s an itty polyp. Ain’t no thing.” Whew! But then it’s this month, more pain, more other stuff happening. Suddenly, they’re all about it. Now it *is* a thing. And they want to do a biopsy a week from today, pronto! Not back then, but now, in a different month that starts with “A.” And yes, it is to rule out the C-word. They are optimistic. So that is something.

    My take-away: if your gut says something is wrong, MAKE THEM LISTEN TO YOU AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
    Also, do what Ms. Fizzy says: DON’T WAIT. DO IT NOW. If not for you, then for the people who love you and depend on you.

  16. I’m crossing all the crossables. I’ve had a dermatologist check me fully for moles and spots; I had a weird freckle on the inside of my lip (??) the dentist asked about. Turned out to be nothing but I felt better knowing. My uncle’s dentist noticed a strange spot in his mouth that turned out to be cancer, but the early detection made a huge difference. Scary to confront, but the key part is to do something about it, which you are. I didn’t realize that skin cancer can be non-sun related, though that makes sense now that I think about it.

    I lost a friend to melanoma so the issue is near and dear. She did not have access to good health care plus a number of other factors that may or may not have contributed to how things ended up. I wish so much that she had followed up with check-ups like you’re doing.


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