Hook, Line, and Sinker: ENTRIES CLOSED!!!

THE SUBMISSION WINDOW IS CLOSED!!! THANKS TO ALL WHO PARTICIPATED!!!

It’s go time, folks! Put your entry in the comment box below for your completed ADULT manuscript. NOW!

*Agents who aren’t participating as part of our line-up are welcome to make requests, but please wait until October 25th, AFTER the contest closes.

Hook, Line, & Sinker Contest!

*Your entry must include the following: Name, title, genre & subgenre, e-mail, hook, & line. Read guidelines post here.

Hook: A pitch for your novel of up to 3 sentences (maximum of 60 words).

Line: One line from your manuscript that showcases your writing. *One sentence only and no run-ons.

*This blog is accepting ADULT entries, up to a maximum of 50. The submission window will close at 5pm EDT, or when we reach the maximum number of entries. In the event that more than 50 submissions are posted due to an influx of entries, the additional entries will be removed.

*Comments are accepted and encouraged in this round, but please wait until the submission window closes to post them. Comments must be positive and constructive. Anything discouraging or inappropriate will be deleted.

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!!!!

448 Comments

  1. Name: Laura Hughes
    Title: Running Down the Dragon
    Genre: Thriller with Urban Fantasy elements
    Email: LauraHughesAuthor(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Thalia Drake of the U.S. Military’s elite shapeshifter forces, and the world’s last dragon, must stop a serial killer whose ultimate goal is exterminating shapeshifters. But stopping him means exposing the deadly secret she’s hidden for thousands of years – her true identity. If she is unmasked, her own long life is as good as over.

    Line: Tuesday night at the FBI is a good time to pull a fire alarm.

  2. Name: Debra Elliott

    Title: Hell Zone

    Genre: Adult Thriller

    Email: anngrayelliott1960(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook:

    Lieutenant Frank Shepard is send to Hell to recover the Cross of Be’Han where demons prevent him from retrieving the cross. When shrapnel tears through Frank’s mangled body, Karton removes the cross from Frank’s blood soaked body.He must hunt down Karton, battle the evil forces of Hell, and take the cross back to city of Ja’gyt.

    Line: The bees latched onto him, digging their stingers deep into his flesh, and stung Frank until his body was raw and bleeding.

  3. Name: Kelsey Ann Sandy
    Title: The Looking-Glass House
    Genre: Adult Literary Fiction
    Word Count: 75,000
    Email: kelseyannsandy(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Cline, Texas, 1964: When a young nun becomes attracted to one of the pregnant teenage girls in her care, she must find a distraction. But uncovering a string of murders isn’t what she had in mind. Now unraveling this mystery will endanger the lives of those she loves most, while bringing her closer to the one person she was trying to avoid.

    Line: Margaret felt the urge to stand, to walk out barefoot into the yard, to pass the azaleas and the bald cypresses, to go to the glass house in the woods and the woman who called her by name.

  4. Name: Sean Jenan
    Title: Cipher
    Genre: Science Fiction Thriller
    Email: slj1932 (at) gmail (dot) com

    Hook:
    He’s framing his best friend, dating a girl to steal her password. ‘Nick Ravell’ isn’t even his real name. And he’s the hero.

    Line:
    Dead bodies didn’t look so damned heavy when people dragged them on TV.

  5. Name: Shannon Schuren
    Title: Price of Refuge
    Genre: Psychological Suspense
    Email: schurshan@gmail.com

    Hook:
    Pregnant mother-of-two Kelsey Brooks has a family history of mental illness, an exasperated husband, and a lot of buried secrets. When a ghost from her past threatens to destroy the life she’s built, she must stop him even if it means loosening her tenuous grip on sanity. Sometimes crazy is what it takes to stop a madman.

    Line:
    Damn it, I was arguing with myself about my sanity and I was losing.

  6. Name: Anya Hauenstein
    Title: Blame it on Meryl Streep
    Genre: Women’s Fiction
    Email: anya.hauenstein(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook:
    At age 28 Laura has never been in a relationship and given up on love until she watches Mamma Mia and suddenly finds the perfect coach to a happier life at her side: Meryl Streep. Nobody but Laura can see and hear imaginary Meryl, but so what? Sometimes you have to lose yourself in a fantasy to fix your reality.

    Line:
    Meryl swims with admirably elegant and swift strokes, seemingly effortless, whereas I feel like a hippopotamus chasing a dolphin trying to follow her, and I can’t help but wonder if it gets boring once in a while to be so perfect.

  7. Name: Angi Black
    Title: Love in Real Life
    Genre: Adult Contemporary Romance
    Email: AngiNicoleBlack(at)gmail(dot)come
    Hook: Josey has the perfect life until she meets Alex. Confronted with demons from her past and forced to take a hard look at her present, Josey learns about the curveballs life throws after you find happily ever after. Sometimes even the right choice comes with a price.

    Line: Her body moved as if it was its own instrument and my God, did I ever want to play it.

  8. J. C. Gregorio
    Reality Riders
    Adult Fantasy
    jcoll043(at)odu(dot)edu

    Hook:
    Fighting her way back to our reality, Trinity must unlock memories of an existence where her powers were second only to the Creator’s. Battling against creatures of legend come to life, learning to accept help from a hot Elemental, and taming the leader of the Chickoltan’s while unlocking her memories wasn’t how she thought she’d spend her weekend.

    Line:
    I may not lie to other people, but I reserve the right to lie to myself any time I want.

  9. Name: JA Sterling
    Title: The Present Future
    Genre: Science Fiction/Time Travel
    Email: jasterling7[at]gmail[dot]com

    Hook: A time-traveling Null Agent must choose between the tomorrow he is bound to protect and the future he wants.

    Line: “Doctor, doctor…I’ve already killed you.”

  10. Name: K. L. Schwengel
    Title: Between Darkness and Light
    Genre: Adult Fantasy
    Word Count: 75000
    email: kathils01(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Her aunt wants Ciara to devote her life to the Goddess. Bolin, the man sworn to protect her, intends to see her aunt’s dying wish carried out, and Donovan, the father she never knew, seeks to use her for his own ends. All Ciara wants is to keep the two magics she possesses from ripping her apart.

    Line: It made her nervous, being in his direct line of fire, though she hoped he wouldn’t put an arrow through her –- on purpose or by accident.

    • Interesting conflict and I love your title 🙂

    • The only thing I would add or change would be to better define what Donovan’s intentions are. What does he want to use her for? I assume it’s something evil? Otherwise, good job!

    • I think you’ve done a good job with the hook. It’s interesting and gives us an idea of the conflict she’s facing, although I’d like more info about the two magics. But it’s intrigued me, which is the point! One comment about your line – I’d consider changing ‘though’ to ‘and.’ Though seems to imply a change in her thought about being nervous, but you’re actually clarifying the nervousness. Sorry if that’s too nitpicky – just trying to help! 🙂

  11. Name: Stephen Spain
    Title: The Gray Line
    Genre: Adult Suspense
    Email: camspain(at)charter(dot)net

    Hook: Trent Argent discovers a plot to destroy Boston and jumpstart Armageddon, orchestrated by an Afghan nomad in league with U.S. government officials who believe the biblical Rapture is imminent. He must fight his way through a maze of lies, tangled loyalties, and betrayal to save the world he knows and the woman he loves. But he can’t save them both….

    Line: “There are many ways in which Christianity and Islam are alike,” Trent agreed, “but we have different get-out-of-hell-free cards.”

  12. Name: Yvonne R. Jones
    Title: We’re Family…Right?
    Genre: Adult Contemporary Fiction
    Word Count: 77,300
    Email: author.y.r.jones(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Family: a social unit that loves, supports, and comforts.
    Sicily’s Family: a dysfunctional unit that is consumed by greed, bigotry, and secrets—all of which she must overcome to build a family of her own.

    Line: My wiry hair, shredded threads, and ruined make-up—all are drenched by the unforgiving rainfall that has me trapped in the slums of a depressed village.

  13. Pattie Zamen
    Murder at the Inns
    Romantic Suspense
    pattiezamen(at)cox(dot)net
    Hook
    In the town of Springvale, newlyweds are dying on their wedding night. It’s up to local police detective Kaleigh Maloney, FBI Agent Jeremy Dewitt, and their team to catch the killer. But, when Kaleigh becomes a target, will Jeremy be able to save her in time?

    Line
    Chuckling slightly to herself at the thought of having a serial killer after her, and she could die from a slip and fall in the bathroom.

  14. Name: Susan Bellantuoni
    Title: Bagg Road
    Genre: Adult Horror
    Email: sueb4134(at)verizon(dot)net

    Hook: Falley Brazen and her rescue dog Monty move to the deserted town of Old Salisbury and are swept into a terrifying journey to unravel the secret harbored by the area’s troubled Bagg Road property. Falley conquers fear, opens her heart for another chance at love, and learns that a family can be defined as a woman and her dog.

    Line: The sound came again and I felt a breath, moist and warm on the nape of my neck, like a wordless secret whispered into my ear.

    Comment: Thank you for all the time you have put into this contest. As a fellow Mom and avid writer I know how precious time can be.

      • Susan Bellantuoni |

        I appreciate the constructive critique! This is my first contest and I hoped for lots of useful feedback! All is welcome!

    • Your line is so creepy! Perfect! I would leave the last sentence off the hook, though. It takes all the punch out of the horror of the first. If she conquers her fear right off the bat, it’s not much of a horror novel!

    • I want to read this. I like the premise and I love horror stories. Your line is descriptive yet creepy and your hook is informing while leaving me wanting to read more. Nice job.

    • Susan Bellantuoni |

      Thank you!

      • I love your line, it is creepy! I do think your hook needs a little bit of tweaking though. Best of luck to you for your first contest!!

        • I love Horror Fiction and your line really pulled me in! Creepy, but still very literary – great! Your hook, in my opinion, could be use a little work. I would cut the entire last line, too vague and too romantic for the genre. Instead I would like to know why she moves to Old Salisbury. Maybe her husband died and Falley wants to start a new life without the ghosts of her past only to find herself in an even more haunting place … Just some kind of backstory so I have a better feeling for your character. Hope this makes sense. Good luck!

  15. Name: Jonathan Garg

    Title: Tyger, Burning

    Genre: Adult Superhero

    Email: thepopeofbeers(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Kallie was born deaf but had to learn to sign twice: once with her own fingers, then once with prosthetics. Now the man who maimed her has returned, and she can finally take from him like he took from her.

    Line: What he will remember later is not the expression on her face, or the sudden falling sensation in the very pit of his stomach, or even the deafening gunshot – all those things will be lost with space and time – but he will always remember peas rolling across the slick wet grass, and all the glitter caught in the air like giant snowflakes, melting.

  16. Rebecca Campbell |

    Name: Rebecca Campbell

    Title: The Legacy of Mrs. R.

    Genre: Upmarket Women’s Fiction

    Email: rmc(at)msu(dot)edu

    Hook: Ebe Barker is 23 days sober—this time. Her life is one fresh start after another: new friends, new lovers, no one ever knows the full truth of her. When her lies finally catch up with her, she realizes that the hardest part of hitting bottom isn’t getting up, it’s digging deeper.

    Line: The library’s atrium was neither tall nor light, so the scrubby ficus trees in the center died a little each day in their square gray planters; six cube chairs surrounded the macabre vignette, forcing those in need of rest to bear witness to the struggle.

  17. Name: Liana Brooks
    Title: Jane Doe
    Genre: Sci-fi (near future)
    Email: liana(dot)brooks1(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: FBI agent Sam Rose needs a major case to get her promotion, and she’s more interested in scooping the espionage case at a government-funded lab than identifying a Jane doe. Until the coroner finds a DNA match in the system, and Sam finds herself trying to solve her own murder.

    Line: “I wanted to show you my corpse.”

  18. Name: Aaron Olver
    Title: The Governor’s Hand
    Genre: Adult Mystery
    Email: aaronolver(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: A political candidate is murdered after leaving behind a puzzling anagram. The state Attorney General taps rookie agent Carolina Ferretti to monitor his best investigator, a brilliant curmudgeon with a taste for scotch, disdain for rules, and bad habit of forgetting her pistol. When Carolina begins to suspect their boss of murder, the already rocky partnership grows complicated and dangerous.

    Line: With the First Lady’s favorables through the roof, Devin didn’t need a poll to tell him that using taxpayer resources to cheat on her was a crummy idea.

  19. Lori A. Goldstein |

    Name: Lori A. Goldstein
    Title: Jumping Ants
    Genre: Upmarket/Commercial Fiction
    Email: loriagoldstein(at)me(dot)com
    Hook: When a charming but aimless twenty-nine-year-old is carjacked at gunpoint at a fast-food drive-thru, his journey with this older, rounder, more desperate version of himself leaves him with a black eye, a crush on a feisty bartender, and the truth that the unfazed grin he’s been honing hasn’t been fooling anyone, least of all himself.
    Line: “Just the other day Davey asked if Grandpa Eli would return as a zombie, and I’m thinking, on the one hand, where the hell does he get this stuff, and on the other, probably not, but wouldn’t that be freakin’ awesome!”

    • Your hook sentence is way long. Why not break it down?

      “A charming but aimless twenty-nine-year-old is carjacked at gunpoint at a fast-food drive-thru. His journey with this older, rounder, more desperate version of himself leaves him with a black eye and a crush on a feisty bartender. The unfazed grin he’s been honing hasn’t been fooling anyone—least of all, himself.” JMO

      Your line I think would be more effective if broken down too, but since there is a one-sentence max, I understand why you did it this way.

    • Time travel seems to be popular today. I would give this a try.

    • i love your line. it’s so awesome

    • I have no idea what your line has to do with the hook, but it’s awesome!

      • Lori A. Gold (@_lagold) |

        Thanks everyone! Just to clarify, there’s no element of time travel. Took me a bit, but now I see how one could read “version of himself” that way. It’s more figurative — the guy the twenty-nine-year-old could become. Due to word count restraints the additional “his journey with this peculiar stranger, an older, rounder ….” was removed, which may have taken away any confusion. None of the readers I had tested this on read it a time travel way at all! Which is why more critiques are so great. Thanks!

    • I took the “version of himself” to mean the carjacker was basically who the MC could eventually turn out to be, not anything with time travel lol. The hook is a bit of a mouthful, too. And the line is pretty cool, too. If it’s a line of dialogue in the story, I think it’s good as is, but as part of the narration I think it would feel a little too long and rambling.

  20. Name: Jayme Abbott
    Title: Defying Instinct
    Genre: Urban Fantasy
    Email: abbottjn (at) hotmail (dot) com

    Hook: Half-demon Savannah “Savvy” Cole has never felt like others feel – neither physically nor emotionally. But when the disguise her mother cast on her at birth that hid her beauty, humanity, and royal status is lifted, Savannah gets a crash course in love, lust, and loyalty.

    Line: “Don’t you dare stop him,” I said, and my voice cracked and lower lip quivered as I added in what I hoped was a whisper, “But please…please don’t let me hurt him.”

  21. Name: Lanette Kauten
    Title: WITHOUT BORDERS
    Genre: Multicultural/Women’s Fiction
    Email: lanettekauten(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: While in Hungary researching her grandpapa’s childhood, Amanda falls in love with a Gypsy and discovers a shocking secret involving his family and hers. This revelation could shatter their romance and Amada’s view of her beloved grandpapa.

    Line: Pali looked up at Amanda with a smile that reminded her he was still a child, and the fact he was a lifetime criminal almost disappeared in his wide-eyed stare.

  22. Jessica Peterson
    The Key to Life
    Commercial Fiction Romance
    accisej-jessica(at)hotmail(dot)com

    Hook: When Anna took on the daunting task of restoring Matt to a state of sobriety, she never expected to fall in love; and she certainly wouldn’t have guessed the object of her desire would be Matt’s father.

    Line: When Anna looked at Rob she saw a mighty warrior fighting a ferocious beast that attacked him from all sides, wrestling a slippery serpent pushing it back into the waters where it belonged, and ducking from the fire-breathing monster shooting bolts of lightning at him from the sky.

  23. Title: Obsidian Souls
    Genre: Paranormal Romance
    Email: Don727(at)aol(dot)com

    Hook: Lex never imagined that her white knight would be riding up through the gates of hell, wearing all black.

    Line: Sometimes life has a way of shedding the frivolities from your soul.

  24. Name: Caterina Torres
    Title: Death’s List
    Genre: Adult Paranormal
    Email: caterina(dot)d(dot)torres(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: It’s been over sixty years since Lucy last killed. The only difference
    is now instead of taking lives, she’s taking souls.

    Line: “I took your life; it’s only fair I give you mine.”

  25. Name: Gotham Mamik
    Title: Copahagen
    Genre: Quantum Suspense
    Word Count: 102,000
    Email: oddfashion@gmail.com

    Hook:
    Pin-balling romances with miniature whiskey bottles cannot unseat John’s burgeoning grief over the death of his wife and daughter. But nightmares that pour knowledge of the future where horrific slayings can be witnessed before they take place, still him into paranoia. Now at the crossroads of disbelief and insanity, John must decide if some lives are worth dreaming for.

    Line:
    “He didn’t even have time to adjust to the new anatomy, rushed from virgin to menopausal while peer pressure remained steadfast.”

  26. Name: Jason Nelson
    Title: Free Agent
    Genre: Urban Fantasy
    Email:xC0000005(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: In modern day New York, where wishes are bought and sold, a woman enslaved to the Fairy Godfather searches for her own happily ever after. By night, Marissa dreams of freedom, love, and family. By day, she makes wishes happen through any means necessary. When Fairies, Fae, and Royalty come to blows, happy endings take a backseat to survival.

    Line: If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard “We’re all going to die,” or “You are as good as dead,” or “I’ll kill you,” I could afford a better apartment.

  27. Name: Don Taylor
    Title: POP!
    Genre: Upmarket Contemporary
    Word Count: 89,000
    Email: e.donald.taylor [at] gmail [dot] com

    Hook: Three-time brand engineer of the year (for the Mid-Atlantic region), Tucker Crenshaw wants what a lifetime of television has promised him: a big house, a fuel-efficient car, a dignified bank account, adoring children and an intelligent, accomplished wife. And he would have it all too, if his family stopped making his life a beautiful freakshow.

    Line: The heat thrilled Bob, made his small-town life memorable, but after the lights dimmed, the Texan handled life the way an epileptic handled nitroglycerin.

  28. Name: Kelly Heinen
    Title: Driven
    Genre: Commercial/Mainstream
    E-mail: aightball(at)hotmail(dot)com

    Hook : One green light, one drunk driver; that’s all it took to put Jimmy Rickliefs life into a tailspin. Now, he has to decide if the risks of the stage outweigh the benefits of staying home. A single misplaced strobe light could trigger a seizure and his career could end.

    Line: The pent up anger from days spent at his bedside burst from her in an animalistic roar.

  29. Krag Churchill
    The Mad King of Beaver Island
    Historical Fiction/Low Fantasy
    kchurch15@msn.com

    In 1679, Meri du Sida is in love with Maji, an Indian Spirit God, and has bore his child. The French crew of Le Griffon wants to return Meri to civilization–forcibly and leave her child behind. In revenge, Maji insinuates a curse to destroy Le Griffon, and commands Meri to sacrifice herself or lose her child.

    He turned the plate over and stared at the hieroglyphics engraved on it: a pyramid with an eye at the apex, two owls hooting, a curled inclined plane and a skinny ‘N’ strung like a bow and arrow.

  30. Name: Krysten Hill

    Title: Shadow’s Dawn

    Genre: Adult Fantasy

    Email: KrystenHill(at)live(dot)ca

    Hook: ‘Caraka cannot escape the psychotic goddess who possesses her mind. She has to gain the upper hand and force the goddess to save the world…problem is, Caraka doesn’t want to die.’

    Line: He just wanted to touch he one last time, to cement the memory of the softness of her skin, the security of her arms, her beautifully rosy smell.

  31. Carey Torgesen
    The Princess Paradox
    Women’s Fiction/Romance
    ctorgesen71(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook
    Jaded by fairy tales, Nora Roseberry’s surprised to find herself caught between ‘Prince Charming’ and his brother ‘Prince-Damn-He’s-Charming’. Stick to the story or change the fairy tale ending? Happily ever after just got messy.

    Line
    But, as fate would have it, I was so busy critiquing fairy tales, I never realized I was actually living one.

  32. Name: Matt Davidson
    Title: City of Zero
    Genre: Crime
    Email: matthew at barkerprice dot com

    Hook:

    In a city where a zero tolerance policy on criminal activity results in the death penalty for all crimes, kleptomaniac police inspector Kate Swanson leads an investigation into a number of disappearances. Her investigation leads her to Old Blue, whose murdered wife links all of the missing people. Swanson must locate Old Blue before he kills those he has kidnapped.

    Line:

    The glass cylinders crawled through the night sky, snaking across the entire city; they moved along their tracks like giant lanterns, each with a solitary prisoner.

  33. Name: Susan Sands
    Title: Misery, Alabama
    Genre: Southern Women’s Fiction
    Word Count: 90,000
    Email: snsands@bellsouth.net

    Hook: Following an unfortunate televised hair flambé debacle, celebrity sous chef Cammie Laroux is dragged back to po-dunk Alabama. Her crazy family omits to inform her that Grey Harrison is back in town, a widow now, with his sad little daughter. Cammie wants nothing to do with the man who’d married her best friend and broken her heart ten years ago.

    Line:

    “When we’re embarrassed, it’s pretty normal to react badly, and not always toward the person who caused it—sometimes just whoever’s there in front of us at the time gives us somebody to yell at and blame things on.” (Grey making a point to his young daughter)

  34. Cardyn Brooks
    Dodging Eros, Through Past, Present and Pleasure
    Adult Contemporary
    Candice.writes247(at)yahoo(dot)com

    Hook:
    Love’s like consuming a box of chocolates in one sitting. Knowing it’ll cause serious internal upset doesn’t stop a chocoholic, because the immediate pleasures are worth the future complications. Toss in a dash of Megan Hart and a drop of Suzanne Brockmann with a hint of Anais Nin, then blend to create layers of tasty romantic mayhem.

    Line:
    Smart tech unit as frequency tuner in his mouth, assault rifle and ammunition strapped to his back, he slithered out of the drain and belly crawled his way alongside the truck caging his prey.

      • “He slithered out of the drain and belly crawled his way alongside the truck caging his prey.”
        I would love this part to stand alone. It’s so strong that I feel like the beginning of the sentence just diluted it’s brilliance.

        • I LOVE the hook too!! It’s so cute 🙂 although this may not be what you’re going for, but it is cute

          • Thank you, too, Jessica. I took a risk in going with a conceptual hook to stand out from the crowd, also hoping the style contrast between hook and line is intriguing enough to earn a spot in round 2.

        • Thanks for the compliment and the constructive feedback, Donna. This line falls in the middle of a paragraph, so the beginning relates to the preceding sentence, but I’ll take a look and see if a rework is possible.

      • Thanks so much, Janet. As in my comment to Jessica, I felt like it was a risk to go unconventional, but I wanted it to be wry, memorable, and fun like the story.

        • The hook is interesting, as is the line, and while I do understand why you chose to frame it the way you did, I don’t really know what the story’s about (and frankly, from the line, I don’t really care, I’d keep reading!). But with something as abstract as that, I think you need a better title. Tacking on the “through past, present, and pleasure” to the “Dodging Eros” just isn’t ringing for me. However, I like the first part-because if you’re going to go all homophone on it, pairing “Dodging Eros” with your line could mean a) the god of Love, or b) arrows. Like, sharp pointy things that will hurt you in the extreme.

          Does that make sense? I’m hopped up on cold medication. It’s muddling my ability to think straight 🙂

  35. Laura Edwards
    The Land of Many Waters
    Adult Historical
    LEdwards22(at)sbcglobal(dot)com

    Hook: After being captured during a brutal raid, the future wavers tenuously before Britta Magnusson. The vehemence of the Sioux Uprising of ’62 has caught even wary settlers by surprise. Thrust into the midst of an unfamiliar world, she must rely on her stubborn will to survive.

    Line: The one who glared at her with such loathing also wore an adornment of decorated elk bones hanging around his neck, the percussive melody the necklace made sounding oddly like wind chimes tinkling as he crept closer.

  36. Talynn Lynn
    Shadow Castle
    Historical Fantasy
    inkinthebook(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Ashton Driver wants to rescue the damsel in distress because if he does, he wins her hand in marriage. She’s beautiful, smart, one hundred years old, and lost somewhere in time. If Ashton finds her, he will reign as the most powerful prince of the land, but first he must defeat the enemy in a dual of death.

    Line: The shanty door swung back and forth, creaking a sad, singsong melody as if to say goodbye.

  37. Dayspring MacLeod
    The Actor’s Daughter
    Literary/Commercial
    dayspring.macleod@btinternet.com

    Hook:
    Broadway star Patrick Winters is famous for crying real tears night after night onstage. Nobody knows he’s really crying over the wife who left him years before, and the child he’s never seen. Unable to find them, Patrick instead writes and acts a role that will win him an Oscar and a daughter – but not the one he hoped for.

    Line:
    She stayed at her desk until the theatre grew cold and quiet around her, and she could feel the deep night of London settle down outside the building, pregnant with fog and steaming sewers, hearses rattling down cobbled alleys, beggar children selling matches, Jekyll and Hyde – but no, it was only her nerves jumping because it was late and she was alone in the big theatre.

  38. Name: Amanda Byrne
    Title: Finders Keepers
    Genre: Adult Urban Fantasy
    Email: akbyrne33(at)gmail(dot)com
    Hook: Combining her anxiety disorder with magic means Brenna’s no stranger to crazy, so when an insanity-inducing ruby goes missing, she’s quite content to stay far, far away, thank you very much. Too bad for her she’s the only one who can find it.
    Line: If you look up the phrase “massive understatement”, you’d find “Theo overwhelms Brenna” right next to it.

  39. Name: Annie B. Quinn
    Title: Reborn by Blood
    Genre: Paranormal Romance
    Email: Callaghan57@gmail.com

    Hook : Clementine meets Ichiro, a man she created as a fictional character years ago, a mythic being now haunting her dreams. A synchronistic encounter in a subway station leads Clementine into a world she had only suspected existed until now.

    Line: His fingers were cool on my wrist, too cool for a human touch, yet it was warming me in intimate places.

  40. Name: Ellie Heller
    Title: Warder
    Genre: Paranormal Romance
    Email: elliewrites2 (at) gmail (dot) com

    Hook: Mona’s training to be a Warder and learning how to manipulate magic to keep everyone, including mortals, safe from harmful spells. Cart’s in town to track down the person coercing shifters to change or die. Ignoring that they may each other’s unwanted mate, they search for the evil-doer before the death squads he sends after them succeed.

    Line: Raine was an inventive and descriptive curser impressing Mona with her detailed description of how she’d remove, and then destroy, a certain part of his anatomy to make sure the ‘piece of refried crap with raw sewage for brains’ couldn’t knock up anyone else.

  41. Name: Morgan York
    Title: Whispers in the Moonlight
    Genre: Contemporary fantasy
    Email: writefullywriting(at)yahoo(dot)com

    Hook: It’s hard enough for Ama Dearborn when her family moves from New York City to an alternate dimension, but made so much more complicated when she discovers she has powers no one else has—control over the Air Element. These powers make her an ideal soldier. But for someone who still sleeps with a teddy bear, this is a problem.

    Line: He stared transfixed at the splints on her fingers, his admiring eyes casting them as battle scars rather than signs of failure.

  42. Name: Aubrey Wynne
    Title: The Portrait
    Genre: Literary, mainstream
    Subgenre: Fantasy
    Email: thundershill(at)yahoo(dot)com

    Hook: Henry, an introverted but talented painter, works at an art museum and falls in love with a woman on canvas. His old friend Melinda, also a gallery owner, has struggled to convince him to show his work publicly and find ‘real love’. On Christmas Eve, Henry dares to take a chance at living and fulfilling his own dream.

    Line: While there were extraordinary people and ordinary people, he was insignificant; Henry The Trifling would have been the title of his self portrait.

  43. Name: Wendi Nitschmann

    Title: The Long Engagement

    Genre: Contemporary Romance (with a little history thrown in!)

    Email: beduwen(at)me(dot)com

    Hook: Two young people fall in love and get engaged while in college abroad. Life gets in the way and the two lose contact for 24 years. A Facebook message comes that could change their lives forever.

    Line: “Even the way he smelled was etched in my memory like some kind of Holy Grail of lost love.”

  44. Name: Janet Robinson
    Title: The Other Side of Laughter
    Genre: Women’s Fiction
    Email: janet(dot)robinson1121(at)yahoo(dot)com

    Hook: Emily Cooper has been kicked out of her life. Once a member of one of Georgia’s wealthiest and most highly esteemed political families, she is now left with nothing. How does that happen? Two reasons: the manipulative tactics of a powerful family and Emily’s inability to fight for herself. In walks Camilla Baldwin who is hell-bent on revenge.

    Line: “Oh sugar, I ain’t goin’ through the court system, so a prenup don’t matter.”

  45. Name: Abby Cavenaugh
    Title: Going Home Again
    Genre: Women’s fiction
    Subgenre: Contemporary romance
    Email: abscavenaugh(at)yahoo(dot)com

    Hook: Alyssa Jones thought her unrequited crush was like the big hair and fluorescent clothing from high school— a relic of the ancient past. But when an out-of-the-blue phone call brings the untouchable guy back into her life, she finally has the chance to “get the guy,” twenty years later.

    Line: There was always an agent or producer trying to get us excited about some low-budget cheese ball TV series or movie being filmed down here in Wilmington, North Carolina. Ever since Dawson’s Creek, the floodgates had been opened. Thanks, Van Der Beek.

  46. Name: Lisa Snider
    Title: Finding Ojai
    Genre: Women’s Commercial Fiction
    Subgenre: Smart Chick Lit
    E-mail: findingojai@aol.com

    Hook: Susan is career-driven, on the verge of thirty and working at a world-class resort in a funky new-age town. From a ballroom on New Year’s Eve, she finds herself torn between her aspirations in the hotel business and the hippie culture of her new home. Susan’s search for success leads her to a place she’s never been; she finds herself.

    Line: Middle-aged men with shirts unbuttoned to reveal decades-old piles of graying chest hair and women stuffed into dresses that fit them better in their twenties gyrated to a beat that was clearly more useful to them in their younger days.

  47. Name: J. Lea Lopez
    Title: Sorry’s Not Enough
    Genre: Upmarket Women’s Fiction
    Email: jlealopez(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: From a convict father, to her mother’s death, to her boyfriend showing up in her classroom – as her teacher – Charlotte’s life is one “you’ve got to be kidding” moment after another. She makes her own decisions that disappoint the ones she loves. Learning to trust and be trusted again means finding forgiveness when “sorry” isn’t enough.

    Line: With her doubt drowned by the taste of his lips, Charlotte arched her back to meet him when he pressed against her, her breasts flattened by the firmness of his chest, his knee urging suggestively between her thighs.

  48. Name: Jordan Sky
    Title: Cheating Doesn’t Wash Off
    Genre: Fiction/Commercial
    E-mail: jsbbrit26@yahooo.com

    Hook: Two days before their two year anniversary Johnathan Diamond Warner catches his girl cheating on him. JD’s baffled, heartbroken and in serious denial until he takes a page from the Bird Cleanse Manual.

    Line: Securing the win for his team feels amazing even that has been shadowed with thoughts of Petra and Izzie. He’s not sure how much more of this he can take. He needs to talk to her. In another few days they’ll welcome summer. He can’t be conflicted for those long hazy months.

  49. Name: Olivia Cole
    Title: Moth in Dodo
    Genre: Adult speculative fiction
    Email: olivify(at)gmail(dot)com

    Hook: Before the Change, Tasha Lockett had been more worried about the state of her manicure than she had been about the State of the Union. But when a societal disaster leaves Chicago in shambles, over-run with cybertronic psychopaths, she must go from self-conscious Barbie to awkward GI Jane if she ever wants to see her sister again.

    Line: The red high heels were what got her attention: “Gucci,” she said out loud, before she realized the woman had been murdered.

    Line:

  50. Name: Rachel Davis
    Title: Caged Flame
    Genre: Epic Fantasy
    Email: RLTDavis2010@gmail.com

    Hook: All Korai wants is to use her powers to heal, but her body is a vessel for a vengeful god. The god warps her powers to destructive fire, and Korai uses them to fight back when a tyrannical man tries to conquer her home. But first, she needs to master the god that would use her to destroy everything.

    Line: “Now listen here you mule-headed fire lizard, you will learn to control this even if we have to burn down half the mountain to do it.”

  51. Name: Suzan Headley
    Title: Waiting For Someday
    Genre: Women’s Fiction
    Email: suzanheadley(at)gmail(dot)come

    Hook: Valene is determined to keep her troubled past where it belongs—buried, along with the rest of her romantic notions. But everything changes when she receives a cryptic invitation from her former best friend, Allyson. Uncertain of Allyson’s motives after 22 years of estrangement, Valene returns to California in hopes of rekindling their friendship only to discover that Allyson’s dying.

    Line: Exactly four minutes ago, with my friend at my side, my life ended.

  52. I love your line, but I have to admit I would have preferred to read something from the MC’s POV.
    As for the hook, I think it’s very intruiging and I would want to read this book, but it could stand out even more if you gave us more background info on the relationship between the two women. What happened that estranged them for 22 years? Good luck!

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