My Funny Valentine

Hello my darlings!

Valentine’s Day is upon us.

I have a very love/hate relationship with this holiday.

This is going to start out like a whiny, hateful V-Day post, but stick with me. I’m a sucker for happy endings.

Honestly, I like any excuse to have a holiday. I like happy things, giving people gifts or smiles, excuses to order take-out, etc.

This holiday in particular has all the makings of a punch in the face, generally speaking.

We’ve heard all the complaints from all angles, so I won’t go into those.

Although I will say that I am still bitter as fuck about all the stupid Valentine’s parties back in grade school. We’d all spend a day making our little mailboxes, I’d spend a whole night making out cards for everyone in the class because, hey, that’s what you were supposed to do. I’d make sure to personalize them so people would feel special.

And every year I’d get no fucking cards.

As all the other kids sat there with their desks overflowing with cards and candy, I’d have an empty bag.

The teachers kept cheap, blank cards in their desks to hand out to the loser kids who didn’t get any.

I was always that kid. Which of course drew more attention from the other kids that I was a big nothing and they’d laugh when the teacher would give me my card.

Not kidding. Actual mental damage was done there.

If you were one of those kids who purposely didn’t give a crappy little card to the loser kid to be cool? I judge you.

And if you are one of the parents who let your kid do that? I JUDGE YOU.

Seriously. Bitter.


This leads me to why I actually kind of dig V-Day as an adult.

When I was in college, I was hanging with this nice fella who I knew had the feelings for me, but I had solidly friend-zoned. He saved my life and stuff, which you can read about HERE.

Anyway, the morning of Valentine’s Day, the same week he’d saved my hide, I woke up with this very strong urge to do that lad a solid.

I knew he hated V-Day, and well, I knew that feel. Stupid, isolating holiday. I hated it too.

So I decided I was going to turn it around for both of us. I was going to give us both a good Valentine’s Day for once. I wanted him to have a memory of one that didn’t suck. I wanted the memory of doing something nice for someone else.

I went on a quest. I was dedicated. It was going to be a good day for him, damn it. It was my mission. I was not about to let another cursed holiday go by without ending it with a win.

I scrounged up what little money my poor college-self could find and set off to whatever stores I could walk to.

I found the perfect thing. A little cloth rose that played a song. And I think it even had a “rose” smell.

Right before dinner, I sought out the boy in his dorm room. I presented him with the rose. I told him that it wouldn’t die like a real flower and he could keep it forever to remember that this time, he’d had a good Valentine’s Day. It would be his happy, hopeful rose.

He told me he had a gift for me too.

Aaaaaaand that’s when I stupidly realized I was giving this boy all the wrong signals. I knew I only liked him as a friend. I was interested in another guy! I…I…I was leading him on! AHHHHHHHHHH!

I quickly told him I had to run off to theatre rehearsal which he normally joined me for, just to watch and hang out and do homework while I was on stage.

I hid in the dressing room and backstage, flailing to my friends that I’d made a huge mistake.

I knew what the gift was going to be…


I was overcome with spazzing. I bounced around freaking out because holy shit what was I going to do when this guy kissed me!?

A friend very calmly took me by the shoulders and said, “You kiss him back.”

Huh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Let’s try that.

The lad asked if we could go outside and have a chat when I was not due on stage. I nervously said SURE YEAH LET US DO THAT.

I knew it was coming. We stood behind the humanities building by the giant AC unit which hummed softly behind us. He was nervous and shuffling from foot to foot and I KNEW IT WAS COMING.

I unleashed a verbal torrent of nonsense onto him to try to keep the conversation going. If we were talking, we couldn’t be kissing!

I remember it vividly. I was right in the middle of saying how ridiculously comfortable the green couch was in the Green Room and omg how funny was it that it was a green couch in the GREEN ROOM DO YOU GET IT!? IT IS A GREEN COU-

He kissed me. Halfway through the word “couch” the boy kissed me.

And holy mother of smooches it was the most amazing kiss that has ever happened in the history of kisses.

All the cliches. The world stopped spinning. Everything ceased to exist. I forgot how to breathe. I think my damn foot even popped up.

That kiss. Oh man, that kiss.

The padlocked gates of the Friend Zone shattered and out he flew. I was smitten to the tip of my toes with the lad in a single instant.

Fourteen years ago this Friday that kiss happened.

Hubs and I will celebrate that fourteenth anniversary on that day.

Fourteen years.

(Side note: Damn we got old…)

So, yeah. Fourteen years. Ten years of marriage. Two kids. A mortgage. Eleventy billion pets. Lots of smooches.

Fourteen years later and even thinking about that kiss still makes my foot pop.

I still loathe Valentine’s Day as a whole, I think. I don’t ever think of it as a holiday now. I don’t think of it as a thing. I think of February 14th as the day we celebrate the best damn kiss there ever was.

In other words, that little fake rose was pretty much the most awesome friggin’ thing I’ve ever bought.

We still have that rose, by the way.

However you celebrate/survive/ignore the 14th of February, I wish you a damn fine day.

Until next time,

Peace, Love, and Smooches!


  1. *applause* Yea for you. I shall send you a bajillion stupid cards. I got them because the teachers made you give them to everyone, otherwise, I’d be sitting with an empty bag too. Yea! Your kiss story made my foot pop … woo hoo! Happy Valentine’s Day … but more important, happy life!

  2. Aww. But wait, he got you chocolate too, right? 😉

  3. You and Drew are so adorable, I can’t even believe it.

  4. How much do I love you? SO MUCH. I love this story. Thank you for sharing it. I, like you, have pretty mixed fixed about this holiday. It has never really been awesome in the way I want it to be. But it also feels largely manufactured and a lot of stupid pressure. I like the idea behind it, but I promise, if I love you — then I love you all the other days of the year. And it will always show.

    But annnnyway — here’s to good memories and being surprised in the best way. You, Summer, are a darling. And I would’ve made you a Valentine if we were kids together.

  5. Aww! I so would have given you a card!I hated when my box was empty or had very few cards.

    That is the cutest story! I hated my hubs when I first met him. We became best friends and then suddenly I wanted more. But I def almost botched it on V-day when I wrote him a nasty note for not celebrating it with me. He almost broke up with me, which I don’t blame him. Now we will be celebrating our 7 year annv this year!

  6. Very sweet. I have a tear in my eye.

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