Fizzy Follies – Episode 1

Hello my darling readers!

If you have followed my antics for any amount of time, you may have noticed that I have an unfortunate penchant for accidental public nudity.

My pants tend to fall down in public a lot.  And well, my boobs have minds of their own, and Thelma and Louise seem hell bent on freeing themselves from their underwire prisons whenever they damn well feel like it.

I also have been known to unintentionally leave my house naked.  No.  Seriously.  I’ve walked out to take my daughter to school only to look down and realize I have forgotten my shirt.  And there was the time my husband needed to leave late one night to go into work for some Super Computer God emergency and upon realizing he had forgotten his debit card, I ran out to the sidewalk after him, completely bare bewbies naked from the waist up.

Which brings me to the story of this blog.

When my son naps in the afternoon and my daughter is at school, I have been known to occasionally take a nap as well.  But when I nap, I don’t do this pansy-ass-wearing-clothes-dozing-on-the-couch nonsense.  I climb into bed just like I would at night.  And if you recall my Panty-Snatching Kitteh post, you will remember that I sleep in undies, and that’s about it.

Last week, I was partaking in one of these blessed naps.  And since I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep as of late, when I nap, I snooze hard.

According to Murphy’s Law, when a child is napping, that is the exact time that people decide to come and ring your doorbell.  This is a pain in itself.  But we have dogs.  Dogs who think it is their job to burst the eardrums of anyone who dare visit with sonic hell-hound barks that shake the windows.  When this happens, I panic and rush about the house doing everything I can to get them to OMGSHUDDUP.

So, there I am, sleeping like the dead, when suddenly, the dog beasts start ARF-ing with fervor.  This yanks me out of my dreamland and I am now half asleep, running across the house to the front door having no idea what I am doing.  I always run for the door on the off chance the dogs are barking because someone is knocking.  Usually it’s because a squirrel sneezed a county away and they must alert the proper doggy authorities.

Still completely confused, I glance through the peephole and am shocked to see an actual person on the other side.

Without thinking, I opened the door.

I am not sure who was more surprised.  The gas man, coming to drop off a paper about proper wire grounding for our fireplace, or me when I looked down and realized that I was in fact only wearing a pair of underwear.

Never one to forget my manners, I eek out, “Please excuse me for one moment!” and slam the door in his face.

I am spazzing completely out and all I can find nearby is a long sleeved cardigan that I yank on with a quickness.  I open the door a crack and do that bend at the waist, floating head in the slightly open doorway maneuver and smile politely.

He wordlessly hands me the paper, turns on his heels and flees.

The my utter humiliation is on hold for a moment when I think, “Damn.  That’s probably the most action he’s seen all day.  He could have at least given the ladies an approving nod.”

And then I slink off back to bed feeling totally embarrassed and slightly affronted that my naked visage failed to impress.

It’s nice to know my priorities are in place.

I hope you all are having a wonderful day, and that you remember to at least throw on a freaking robe the next time your doorbell rings!!

Until next time,

Peace, Love and NAKEYPANTS!!!!

8 Comments

  1. This is why my house is littered with blankets. May I recommend installing a robe hook on the inside of your front door?

  2. Failed to impress?! He was rendered SPEECHLESS at the majesty that is You!

  3. I agree with freaky he will never forget you…. On the plus side he may make sure your gas line never has any problems, but if it starts to have problems he may just want you to come to the door more often.

  4. Your post made me laugh so hard, it made my day 🙂 And I totally get the “climbing into bed for a nap just like I would at night.”

  5. You realize, of course, you have now become THE topic of conversation in the Gas-Man Breakroom for a good week. Probably a month at the bar they go to after work.

    (He will, of course, embellish the story as it goes along, so don’t be surprised if it becomes you trying to seduce him and him virtuously turning you down!)

  6. You do realize you are now the hottest MILF in the hood? Right? RIGHT?

    Your daughter will one day be mortified. Your son will be the most popular kid in his school. Damn right.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.