F-4: Young Adult: OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HIGH SCHOOL

Genre: Speculative

Word Count: 64,000

Pitch: In high school, God creates Earth as a science project. Between turning a snotty student into a pillar of salt and causing the great flood in the cafeteria, God might not graduate.

Excerpt:

When I arrive at the school office, a middle-aged woman leans against the counter staring at a crossword puzzle. She taps her pencil against the empty squares as I let out a polite cough announcing my arrival. It does no good; she’s busy trying to find a ten-letter word meaning ‘to wish good health’.

“Gesundheit,” I say, hoping to speed things along.

“Well bless your heart.” She fills in the squares of her crossword puzzle. “How may I help you?” She asks in a pleasant voice.

“I’m new here, my name is Maurice Almighty.” Her smile quickly turns to a frown.

“We’ve been expecting you.” Her tone turns rude as if she flipped a switch. It could mean only one thing; my permanent record beat me here.

The woman lifts horned rimmed glasses from her face and stares at me.

“Mr. Allen, He’s here.” She speaks into an intercom. She doesn’t need to say my name, just He with a capital H.
“Have a seat.” She points with her pencil towards a wooden bench.

Not long after I sit, I wiggle on the uncomfortable bench, which makes my left butt cheek go numb. She doesn’t take her eyes off me for a second and doesn’t attempt to conceal her distrust. Let off a few plagues in school and that shit follows you, trust me.

After a long wait, the door opens and Mr. Allen, all five foot two inches comes out of the doorway; he has crooked teeth and a bald head, but full head worth of grey hair growing in each ear.

3 Comments

  1. I really, really loved this pitch. It’s shocking to me there wasn’t a mad tussle over it. I don’t care a whit about YA, but this I would read. And hope to someday.

  2. Such an original and unique spin! Looking forward to reading this in full someday!
    ~ Melissa Nesbitt CALL OF THE KOEL (#teamfizzy #greenteam)

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