F-3: Adult: FOR RENT

Genre: Women’s Fiction Comedy

Word Count: 85,000

Pitch: A single mother struggles through the bizarre responsibilities of her new job as an apartment manager, and the eviction of a dangerous drug dealer only to find out she’s been his naïve accomplice all along.

Excerpt:

Something terrible is about to happen. My stomach has been twisting in a bloated ball of gas all morning, and I know whatever it is, isn’t going to be pretty. I ought to know better than to take a gamble on three-day-old Chinese takeout.

*Or was it four*?

The phone rings, offering me brief a distraction from the hostile takeover of my small intestine. I take a quick swig of Diet Coke, my cure-all for any ailment, before reaching over and grabbing the phone off my desk. “Thank you for calling The Best Property Management, this is Cambria.” This deceiving reception always leaves a bitter aftertaste, but *thank you for calling Southern California’s pit hole of a management company, as reviewed by over twenty Yelp users, how may I piss you off today*, is too much of a mouth full.

“Cambria, it’s Trisha again. I still have graffiti all over the garages, and the tenants are at my door everyday complaining about it. I need maintenance out here now.”

“Yes Trisha, hold on.” I lean back in my chair and peek into my boss’s office. Rose is perched behind her desk, her surgically chiseled nose shoved into a mysterious blue folder, just as it has been all morning. I cover the receiver with my hand and “pssst” to get her attention. Her bulging eyes meet mine, and I mouth “Appleridge”, being sure to accentuate each syllable. She is well aware of the graffiti over at the fourteen-unit building. This is the managers third call this week.

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