Charlie McPeeperson

Hello my darlings!

I’m getting all revved and ready to head to BEA this week, and with that comes my now annual freak out over what to wear. (Priorities, yeah?)

As per usual, my main issue is always shoes. Apparently I can’t wear Chucks with everything. Which I think is wrong. But I digress.

I decided to run out and see if I could find a pair of grown-up looking black flats to wear with a dress (that’s covered in kitties, because I don’t want to be too grown up) and set off to the local shoe store.

As I was driving, jamming out to some tragically unhip music, I saw a thing in the road in front of me. I thought it was either trash, or a fallen critter, but I slowed down anyway because I don’t like to run over things since I never know exactly what they are.

Just as I passed over the thing, it moved.

It was a bird. And this may be my brain filling in details, but I swear I could see it look at me. I freaked out thinking I’d squished it, or hoped it had flown away, but when I looked in my rear view, it was still standing there.

There was a big line of cars behind me and I couldn’t pull over in that spot, so I zoomed down, turned around in someone’s driveway, parked my car in the grass (complete with warning flashers because EMERGENCY BIRDY RESCUE) and took off running.

I watched four cars drive over that poor bird. The fifth one was over him when I reached the spot and they of course stopped to ask if I needed any help. I assume this was because I was a frantic person hauling ass down the side of a busy street.

I kind of squealed at her, “THERE IS A BIRD UNDER YOUR CAR.” and she got wide-eyed and drove away.

I stopped traffic (which was a very cool moment of BEHOLD MAH POWER) ran into the street, scooped up the bird, and stood by the side of the road shaking.

Then I realized I had absolutely zero clue what to do with the little fella once I’d gotten him.

He seemed to be perfectly fine. His wings didn’t look damaged, his feet were fine, feathers all in place. (Note: Outside of a broken wing or leg, how the hell do you look for injury in a bird!?)

I stood there for I don’t even know how long just staring at this little dude, trying to assure him he was going to be okay, all would be well, things were totes peachy, and I’d get him sorted out safely.

I was lying to a bird.

I also took a moment to name him Charlie McPeeperson because I felt like if we were in a dramatic moment together, he needed a name.

It eventually occurred to me to call my vet, and they’d surely know what to do.

They were closed.

So, I did what any adult would do.

I called my Mommy and said HALPS.

I looked down and Charlie’s eyes were closed. I started wailing to my mom he’d died in my hand, but upon closer inspection, no. He’d fallen asleep.

Kind of had a very Disney moment there.

Anyway,  I stood there, still clutching Mr. McPeeperson, walking through possible actions with my mom, I noticed I was being approached by an older gentleman. I figured I was on his property and about to be shooed away for being a hooligan.

Or, killed on the side of the road by a madman because hey, it’s me. That’s how things roll.

Turned out, I’d parked right next to a division of retiree condos. Older Sir lived in one of the outside spots and was used to seeing people accidentally hit the baby geese that lived in his pond as they tried to cross the road.

He was pretty surprised when I showed him Charlie was in fact, not a gosling, but he offered to help anyway.

Him: “Would you like me to take him and nurse him back?”

Me: *suspiciously* “Can you do that?”

Him: “I’ve got a bucket of worms in my fridge.”

Me: *blink, blink* “Why do you have a bucket of worms in your fridge…?”

Him: “For when I go fishing in the pond we are standing next to.”

Me: *considers this* “Well, I don’t have a bucket of worms, so you’re already one up on me.”

He then informed me he had a spare birds’ nest left over from the last time he’d nursed a baby goose back to health, and he assured me he would take wonderful care of our new feathered friend.

I handed him over, and may or may not have said, “Uh, his name’s Charlie McPeeperson. Just FYI.” and then thanked him like crazy for being an amazingly good person and scooted back to my car.

Right before I pulled away, I saw the man walk up to who I am assuming was his wife, and they were being very kind to Charlie.

And that was it. I carried on, bought some shoes, and all was right in the world.

So, today is the day I learned I am the person who will dart into traffic to save a little bird.

Also learned jumping out into a busy street and making all the cars stop kind of made me feel like Magneto. So there’s that.

I hope you all are having a most wonderful day!

Until next time,

Peace, Love, and McPeepersons!

PS. Here is a pic of Mr. Peeperson, alive and probably terrified. Does anyone know what kind of bird he is?

BorRejnCAAA6ddR

15 Comments

  1. I think random bird encounter must be some sort of holiday this week! This weekend Toddlette was at the g-parents for the night and hubs and I were all “WE’RE FREEEEE! LET’S GO GET SONIC SHAKES AT 11:30 PM!” (side note–Sonic closes at 11PM.) So we grab our stuff and head to the door, and I step outside and this THING hops around my ankle. Hubby starts flipping out and shouts something about a frog (my nemesis) so I scream bloody murder and run down the driveway. Turns out the frog was actually a baby bird who’d been hiding out on our front stoop. The next morning he was hiding out under my car and we took that as a sign that I, too, am now a legit Disney Princess.

  2. He kind of looks like a dark-eyed junco — my dad’s a birdwatcher, and he gave us lots of random bird trivia 😛

    Also, you’re awesome. You are Summer, defender of the weak, stopper of traffic, and charmer of birds!

  3. Good for you! So glad I found your blog. You crack me up!!

  4. He looks like an Eastern Kingbird to me. Juncos are similar but have yellow legs and beaks, whereas Charlie McPeeperson has a black bill and black legs. Did he have white on the end of his tail too? If so, Eastern Kingbird.

    But either way, you are awesome! Stopping traffic to save birds is definitely a superhero skill. 🙂

  5. Sarah Cannon |

    If he had white tips on the edges of his tail, then yeah, he was an Eastern Kingbird. Beak’s the wrong color for a Junco. Also, Juncos have finch beaks (seed eaters), and he’s got an insect-eating beak, for sure. But I’m going to go out on a limb here. I’m guessing no white tips, which means it’s a Phoebe. Phoebes engage in “hawking” behavior, meaning they hang out on power lines, then they swoop out, snatch a bug, and pop straight back up to their perch without breaking a sweat…unless they do it in traffic, and get stunned. Both Phoebes and Kingbirds do a lot of hunting around ponds, b/c there are lots of good flies and gnats there.

  6. You are awesome! And you definitely deserve a cape. Can’t get you a phone booth any longer, though. I think they’re extinct! What a lucky little bird that you came along.

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