Fizzy McFattypants

Hello my loves! The internet has been aflutter for some time (forever, maybe?) about topics like fat shaming, fat phobia, fat this, fat that, and OMG FAT. I read the articles, and nod along sometimes. Most things are good with a simple message: Don’t be a judgmental prick. That’s basic and awesome, and I approve. We don’t know what it’s like to walk a mile in someone else’s flip-flops, so basically, SHHH. Every once in a while, my wandering eyes reach the comments section. I know, I know. Don’t read the comments. Ever. Rookie mistake. I have no one to blame but myself. But really, I am always shocked. Undoubtedly, a lot of the hateful things I read are trolly types getting their trolly bits off trying to rile up the Interwebz. But some people really don’t seem to get it. They think things like fat shaming/bias don’t really exist. Since the topic is vast, I thought I’d stick to one little corner of it that I find particularly important. In all the posts about Fatphobia and the like, it’s always mentioned how doctors can be dicks to fat people. I think this really needs to be focused on. Like, a lot. It’s a huge problem. And I don’t mean in that I’ve seen people online talk about how this person they knew that one time dealt with something so it must be true. I mean, I’ve witnessed in very real life how doctors are dismissive of patients who are deemed “fat” by their standards. When my mom was pregnant with my brother, she was getting some static from her doctors about a sudden increase in her weight near the end. Because she was overweight, they just kept telling her to eat less. She got to the point she...

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Fizzy Follies: The Funeral

Hello my darlings! So, long time no blog… Very sorry! But today I am back with…well, quite a tale. I debated posting about this because I don’t want to be disrespectful in any way, but by the end of this event, even my mom was declaring it had to be shared. I thought about just working this into a novel someway, but I have been reliably informed by multiple people, it would be rejected as fiction for being too absurd. So.  I was at a funeral… There’s really no good way to say I’m about to tell you about ridiculous things that happened at a funeral. I’m trying to take the perspective of finding something to smile about in any situation. (Or I’m just a dick. Either way.) (This was not a sudden death funeral, it had been a very long time coming, so everyone was sad for the loss, but happy the struggle was over, if that helps at all…It probably doesn’t. Anyway…) Okay. So. Last night was the calling for the funeral. Where they show the body and everyone stands about chatting and reminiscing. A little background: I don’t do well at funerals. I am the person who is so uncomfortable I will accidentally say horribly awkward things. I know this. BUT. I am also scared to death of bodies at a funeral home. When I was a kid, my mom told me a story about the funeral of a man who’d had a terrible hunch in his back, so when they laid him out, they’d had to put a rod on him to keep him straight. It broke in the middle of the funeral. And the body SAT THE FUCK UP. So, yeah. Bodies in caskets freak me out royally. My mom, my sweet little old...

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The Right Now Machine

Hello my darlings! As I wander through the internets, I come across all kinds of inspirational posts. I like inspirational posts. They are so…inspiring. But sometimes, things that are meant to be inspirational kind of have that jellyfish effect. You read the beautifully fonted words cast over a soothing backdrop and think, “Wow. That thing I read is inspirational as fuck.” Then, a few minutes later you feel the bile-flavored discord bubbling up and wonder, “Why do I suddenly hate myself?” For me, the essence of bitterness has been spawned by a variety of “The hard part isn’t…” quotes. These quotes are always something like, “The hard part isn’t this, it’s THAT.” Essentially, these posts are saying don’t get bogged down in whatever is bogging you down, because it isn’t the hard part. The hard part comes later, or it’s something really philosophical which will put all your boggedness into perspective and shit. Maybe I’m sensitive. Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe the quote was posted in a less than inspirational font. Regardless, I get grumpy when I read this posts. Here are some of the publishing related quotes. “The Hard Part Isn’t Writing the Book…” So, I get this. We are writers. Writing is what we do. But I don’t like that bit. It’s hard to write a book. Some stories come easier than others, but no matter what, no matter how crappy or unsellable that story might be, it takes a lot of time and effort to get those words out of your head and into intelligible sentences. I get what the quote is saying. The hard part isn’t the story. It’s something that comes later… Like, getting an agent? BUT WAIT. “The Hard Part Isn’t Signing With an Agent…” Oh. Okay. Cool. What the quote wants you to...

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Pitch Madness – Introducing the Teams!

Hello my darlings! It’s that time again! Pitch Madness is upon us! There are some amazing teams this year all vying for the sparkly entries that will be sent our way. (Team Fizzee is pretty boss… ;D) Take a peek and see who is on the lineup! We’re getting close to Pitch Madness submission day on March 10, and I wanted to introduce the slush readers, agent intern advisers, and the host blogs and their teams. The teams will choose the best entries for their teams from the slush. The teams have to decide on the pitches together, but ultimately it’s the blog hosts and co-hosts who have the final decision. For those of you not familiar with Pitch Madness, Pitch Madness is a contest where agents compete in a game against their peers for pitches. This time the game is Clue. If you haven’t been a part of a Pitch Madness challenge before, please check out this post here for more information. The submission window is open for 24 hours (12:01AM EST to 11:59PM EST) on March 10. Our slush readers will read through the pitches and pick the top 60 pitches for the agent round starting on March 18. We try to get a good mix of various genres, but the writing comes first. Basically, if the submissions aren’t ready, it’s a pass. Introducing Round 1 Slush Sleuths who’ll be checking each pitch for clues of greatness … Rae Chang Website Twitter Veronica Bartles Website Twitter Sarah L. Blair Website Twitter L.L. McKinney Website Twitter To help us choose the best pitches for the market, we have our Market Investigators finding pitches agents would kill for … Lady Lioness, Assistant to a fabulous Literary Agent Twitter Jami Nord, intern for Bree Ogden at D4EO Twitter And choosing...

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My Funny Valentine

Hello my darlings! Valentine’s Day is upon us. I have a very love/hate relationship with this holiday. This is going to start out like a whiny, hateful V-Day post, but stick with me. I’m a sucker for happy endings. Honestly, I like any excuse to have a holiday. I like happy things, giving people gifts or smiles, excuses to order take-out, etc. This holiday in particular has all the makings of a punch in the face, generally speaking. We’ve heard all the complaints from all angles, so I won’t go into those. Although I will say that I am still bitter as fuck about all the stupid Valentine’s parties back in grade school. We’d all spend a day making our little mailboxes, I’d spend a whole night making out cards for everyone in the class because, hey, that’s what you were supposed to do. I’d make sure to personalize them so people would feel special. And every year I’d get no fucking cards. As all the other kids sat there with their desks overflowing with cards and candy, I’d have an empty bag. The teachers kept cheap, blank cards in their desks to hand out to the loser kids who didn’t get any. I was always that kid. Which of course drew more attention from the other kids that I was a big nothing and they’d laugh when the teacher would give me my card. Not kidding. Actual mental damage was done there. If you were one of those kids who purposely didn’t give a crappy little card to the loser kid to be cool? I judge you. And if you are one of the parents who let your kid do that? I JUDGE YOU. Seriously. Bitter. BUT. This leads me to why I actually kind of dig V-Day...

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