Attack of the Underroo Snatching Kitteh

Hello all!

I am a person that has a hard time falling asleep at night.  I tend to toss and turn for an hour or two, and have always been this way.  Since, I became a mom, what little sleep I get is punctuated with multiple wake-ups brought on by the kiddos.  The real reason I am not having more than two kidlets is that I WOULD NEVER GET ANY DAMN SLEEP.

Lola and Miles are totally in cahoots on this.  They never wake up at the same time.  They go in 45 minute intervals so that I never get more than half an hour of sleep at a time.  Kids are jerks.

So, last night, I had finally managed to doze off after a good two hours of trying to get to sleep.  I had literally been asleep all of 30 minutes when I hear the pitiful “Mamaaaaaaaa” of my son through the baby monitor.

I stumble out of bed and just as I am about to enter the hallway from our bedroom, I feel the part of my undies on my hip get caught on something.

It is here I feel the need to point out that yes, I am a mostly nekkid sleeper.  You are welcome for that image.  But, I rock the undies for snooze time.  I mention this because it is very relevant to what happens next.

I reach down to find the source of the snag and feel a kitty paw.  Dafuq?  Our little girl kitty Hermione was asleep on top of a clothes hamper that sits right at the entrance of our room.  As I walked by, she seemed to have decided that reaching out and smacking me on the ass with her claws was the hip thing to do.

What happened next, I still don’t understand.

I quickly try to unhook her little claw from my drawers, but she is oh, so in the mood to play.  All of a sudden, in the pitch darkness of my room, I feel two claws-out paws dig into my ass cheek.

 

As a natural response, I yelped and jumped away.  Unfortunately, kitty’s claws were embedded, and she was snug in the hamper.  The hamper tips over, taking Hermione with it, and as she still had her claws in, down go my undies, all the way to the floor.

I am standing there, completely pants by a freaking cat who is now fighting to get free of not only my underwear but the clothes that have fallen on top of her, and I remember, oh crap, the Miles is still crying.

I yank up my underroos, and scamper down the hall.  It is at this moment I feel teeny little ninja blades slicing into the back of my calves.

Hermione thinks this is some epic playtime battle and is now chasing me down the completely dark hallway.

I squeal, run as fast as I can and shut myself into Miles room.  I take a breath, calmly get my son back to sleep, and carefully open his door to see Hermione sitting right there.

She lets out this adorable little MEW and I think that the crazy has passed.  I shouldn’t have fallen for it.  I reached down to pet her, setting off this kitty alarm of OMGWTFKILLTHEHUMAN and by the light of the laundry room, I watch as she rears up on her back legs, lunging for me again.

Squeaking out a war cry of, “Oh shit, oh shit, oh holy effing shit!” I race through the black hallway and very uncooly dive into bed, yanking the covers over myself.  Immediately, Hermione is there and attacking my feet through the blankets.

Suddenly, Logan, the 12 year old absolute BOSS of the Wild Cat Kingdom that is our house leaps onto the bed.  He stands there all Mufasa-like, and I swear I can hear him hiss, “Come at me, bro.”

Hermione then daintily hops down and disappears.  Logan struts up to my pillow, curls up beside it and starts purring loudly.

Sitting there in bed, I look over at my snoring husband who has slept through this entire fiasco, glance at Logan, and finally just stare at the shadowy hallway.

“What.  The actual.  Fuck?” I said to no one.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how I got pantsed by a cat at 1:13 in the morning.

I hope you all are having a delightful Friday!

Until next time,

Peace, Love and Kittehs!!!

 

4 Comments

  1. I think this is the best thing I have read all week. I seriously got a coughing fit laughing

  2. Thank you for the much needed laugh. As always I will remind you that I think you are awesome!!!!

  3. LMAO! Reminds me of the great Louisiana 2008 Eight Legged Freak and Conspirator (kitteh) War I survived. Kitten Claw Battles are hell.

  4. ok, I have no idea how I got to this blog, Sunday morning surfing does that sometimes. I was trying to edit, listening to serious music, again no idea why, just seemed a good idea.
    Try reading the Attack of the Underroo Snatching Kitteh while listening to Dance of the Knights withouts tears of laughter, go on, you cant…
    So cool to read, poor kitteh

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